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From the December Vault.........
Here's sort of a seasonal offering. I remember driving in my car and hearing someone say that there was no-one bigger than the person they were getting to switch on their town's Christmas lights. Well, there is someone bigger, I thought, only problem is that she's dead. The poem that follows appeared in issue 10 of the late-lamented "Nasty Piece of Work", and back in the day when Chris Mount led the charge at Johnstone Writers Group, I read this at the RAFA club in Glasgow, and sat back down to near silence. My wife, Linda, turned to me and said "And it had all been going so well until then." Ooops. Enjoy. Ho, ho, ho.
DI-LLUMINATIONS
by Ian Hunter
It went well
The crowd went wild
Standing before the darkened tower
Gulls twisting overhead
No pictures, please
Not yet
The make-up could have been better
But the bodyguards did a good job
Tweezers at the ready to catch the
stray maggot, or worm, or beetle
And although the glass eyes did
roll a bit in their sockets
they were a perfect match
Ask any reader of Hello magazine
The limbs were surprisingly easy to move
Strong hands eased her forward to pull the lever
But make a note to reinforce those joints
an arm coming off would be a disaster
And savings could be made on perfume
She didn't really smell that bad
So she's back
and the people were overjoyed, ecstatic
when she said,
"I declare these illuminations on"
in joined together snippets of sound bites
And we can declare this Di run a success
Future engagements guaranteed
Cash in advance
Just don't expect too much
in the way of conversation
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